Staff Reports
Old Joe Biden has finally kicked the proverbial bucket, and by bucket, we mean his re-election campaign. After a comical series of missteps that even Wile E. Coyote would find embarrassing, Biden has decided to acknowledge the elephant in the room—or perhaps it’s more of a woolly mammoth at this point: his age. In a stunning revelation that has apparently come as a shock only to him, Old Joe seems to have realized that he is not just any candidate but a validated member of the AARP.
In an unexpected twist, Biden pointed fingers at Nancy Pelosi, claiming she played a major role in his untimely departure from the political stage. While many assume that it was Biden’s age that led to the decision, the House Speaker’s supposed pressure has the ring of bitter truth, according to the newly “enlightened” former president. It’s as if he’s a character in a soap opera, but only this time, the plot revolves around the frail leadership of a party that has clearly lost its way.
Joe Biden admits he was forced out of the race by a coup of Democrats in Congress who said he’d hurt their chances for reelection pic.twitter.com/Hp333ghIBN
— Paul A. Szypula 🇺🇸 (@Bubblebathgirl) August 11, 2024
Biden’s comments are a refreshing change from the usual political double-talk. Gone are the days when he prattled on about his grand intentions for re-election, talking about how it was the honor of a lifetime to represent the people. Instead, we get an unfiltered glimpse into his crumbling façade, complete with cliff-hanging antics worthy of a Saturday morning cartoon. His prior ghostwritten statements sounded about as genuine as a Three Dollar Bill, leading observers to wonder if there was ever a “great honor” in the first place.
The fact that Pelosi has denied any role in pressuring Biden makes it even more entertaining. Apparently, she’s never made a single phone call regarding his presidential campaign—a classic “I didn’t do it” response that’s been used by children since time immemorial. Biden’s contradiction of her statement, suggesting she operated indirectly to influence his exit, only thickens the plot. It’s almost as if the Democratic Party is a live-action version of a reality show: Who’s Exiting the Race this Week?
Biden’s newfound admission of being a “transition president” is rich with irony, considering his earlier claims that his age was merely an insignificance to be overlooked. Who can forget when he attempted to sway voters with charm, presenting himself as a youthful leader unbothered by age? Yet, now, instead of tackling press questions, he seems to have become flustered to mention his birthday. It’s a hard fall from “I’m still spry” to “I can’t even say how old I am,” and it’s clear that the façade is crumbling faster than his grip on reality.
While the Democratic establishment continues to wrap itself in a cocoon of denial, spin, and selective amnesia, it’s hard not to pity them—or at least chuckle at their expense. The media may try to paint a rosy picture of Kamala Harris’s “campaign of joy,” but the tension behind the scenes is palpable. With Biden’s exit prompting question marks about party leadership, one must wonder if Pelosi and her ilk can keep their stories straight long enough to convince anyone of the happy narrative they’re attempting to weave. Seeing Old Joe quickly shushed before any real chaos erupts might be their last desperate move amidst a party in disarray.
