Staff Reports
In a shocking revelation, it has come to light that the White House and Biden campaign staffers are hatching a secret project to prevent President Joe Biden from tripping and stumbling like a clumsy old man. Axios, always sticking their noses where they don’t belong, got wind of this scheme, proving once again that the liberal media will stop at nothing to undermine our great leader.
It’s no secret that President Biden’s missteps and spills have been a disaster for his reelection prospects. I mean, nearly three out of four Americans believe he’s too old to serve a second term! So, these advisors, in their infinite wisdom, have concocted a plan that dates back to November 2021.
According to the details leaked, Biden is being forced to follow a physical exercise regimen to improve his gait and balance. They’ve brought in some guy named Drew Contreras from the Obama administration to work on “proprioceptive maintenance maneuvers.” Who knows what that even means? It sounds like something out of a sci-fi movie.
Not only that, but they’ve also given Biden special tennis shoes with tougher tread. I guess they figured if he’s gonna trip, might as well give him some fancy shoes to fall in. And in a stroke of genius, they’ve even swapped out the main set of stairs on Air Force One for a smaller one. I mean, if you can’t trust the big stairs, what can you trust?
Of course, when confronted about this secret project, the White House spokesperson predictably downplayed it. They said it was no big deal and had been disclosed in some report from Biden’s doctor. But come on, we all know they’re just trying to hide the fact that our president is a walking liability. This spokesperson, Andrew Bates, had the audacity to accuse the media of sensationalizing the story. Well, excuse us for being concerned about the leader of the free world tripping and falling on his face!
A secret project is in the works among Biden staffers to keep Joe Biden from TRIPPING and STUMBLING while out in public, as nearly 75% of Americans believe Biden is TOO OLD to complete a 2nd term.
The entire world is laughing at America right now.https://t.co/qK8qzIhhir
— Proud Elephant ??? (@ProudElephantUS) September 26, 2023
Even the White House Press Secretary, Karine Jean-Pierre, tried to make a joke out of it, claiming that the press corps can’t keep up with Biden. Oh, how hilarious! But really, it’s just sad. The Democrats are privately fuming about this whole situation, and who can blame them? Have you seen Biden stumble over a sandbag or get lost after a speech? It’s like watching a circus act, but without the fun.
While these precautions may earn Biden some laughs now, his staff believes it will save him from the ultimate embarrassment – falling off a stage like Bob Dole did in 1996. But let’s not forget that Bob Dole wasn’t president when he took that tumble. Biden is, and his stumbling has already cost him in the polls. Even former allies are turning on him, suggesting that he’s too old to be in charge and pushing other Democrats to challenge him for the nomination.
So, my fellow conservatives, we can only hope that this secret project fails miserably. We need a president who can walk without tripping, speak without stumbling, and lead without confusion. The future of our great nation depends on it.
