Staff Reports
Last month, there was quite the scandal at the White House when an “unknown substance” turned out to be good ol’ cocaine. Can you believe it? Cocaine, right at the heart of the all-important West Wing offices! Who knew the Situation Room and a dining area could be so exciting?
But hold on to your hats, folks, because there’s more to this story than meets the eye. The Secret Service, after their oh-so-thorough investigation, claimed they couldn’t figure out who brought the illegal party powder into the White House. Seriously? They expect us to believe that? It’s like a bad detective movie where the cops are just scratching their heads and saying, “Gee, we have no leads, sorry!”
Luckily, our friends at Fox News are on top of things. Jesse Watters, the king of dropping truth bombs, shared some jaw-dropping reporting from the New York Post. Apparently, according to their sources, the Secret Service actually told President Joe Biden the name of the culprit, but they ain’t spilling the beans! Talk about a cover-up.
According to Soldier of Fortune publisher Susan Katz Keating, who claims to have three well-placed security sources, the name of the person who smuggled in the nose candy was shared with Big Joe himself. Now, I don’t know about you, but I have a lot of questions about this. Who is this mystery person? Could it be someone close to the Biden family? And if it’s not Hunter, which seems to be the case, then who could it be? Are there secret cocaine stashes hidden within the Biden “family orbit”? Is this a regular thing for them?
Susan Katz Keating even tried to get a response from President Biden himself, but her text message bounced back as undelivered. I mean, come on! Can’t we get a straight answer here? What is the White House hiding? It’s like they’re playing a game of hide-and-seek with the truth, and they’re really good at it.
?BREAKING: Report claims White House cocaine belonged to someone in the 'Biden family orbit' and Joe knows exactly who left it there. pic.twitter.com/2Pjo11n7cQ
— Benny Johnson (@bennyjohnson) August 9, 2023
Of course, the Secret Service denies everything. Spokesman Anthony Guglielmi claims the reports are false and that they have no idea who brought the cocaine into the White House. But can we really trust their word? I mean, they couldn’t even catch the person red-handed, or in this case, white-nosed. And don’t get me started on the “lack of fingerprints and DNA.” We’re talking about professional drug smugglers here, folks. They know how to cover their tracks.
This whole situation just leaves us with more questions than answers. Why won’t the White House come clean? Why are they hiding behind claims of irresponsible reporting and the Hatch Act? We, the American people, deserve the truth. We deserve to know who’s bringing drugs into the most powerful house in the land.
But until the Biden administration decides to be upfront and honest, I guess we’ll just have to keep speculating. Maybe one day, the truth will come out. Until then, keep your eyes open and your noses clean, folks. The White House might just be the biggest party pad in the country.
