Staff Reports
Pope Francis has managed to hit the headlines yet again, but this time it’s not for calling out capitalism or arguing with a world leader. Instead, the pontiff has found himself diagnosed with pneumonia in both lungs, as confirmed by none other than the Holy See Press Office. Given the history of the Vatican’s reporting—often resembling a bad game of broken telephone—one can take this news with a grain of salt, or at least a heaping tablespoon of skepticism.
A chest CT scan conducted on Tuesday revealed the origins of this respiratory disaster, leading to what the Vatican intriguingly labeled as “bilateral pneumonia.” Thankfully, the pontiff remains under the watchful eyes of his medical team, who have devised a complex cocktail of drug therapy to combat the situation. It’s almost like they’re concocting a potion rather than treating the leader of the Catholic Church. Given Francis’s history with lung issues—having even lost a chunk of his right lung way back in 1957—this isn’t exactly just a case of the sniffles.
In March of this year, the pope had a little run-in with bronchitis, which sent him to the hospital for antibiotics—who would have thought a hospital would be handy for this sort of thing? Despite that health scare, Francis brushed off the illness like it was no big deal, going on to perform his duties as if the threat of lung ailments were just the latest trend in papal fashion. It makes one wonder if there’s a papal handbook that suggests how to juggle health crises while maintaining a busy schedule.
Pope Francis Struck with 'Bilateral Pneumonia,' Vatican Says https://t.co/3X921EPsi9
— Steve Ferguson (@lsferguson) February 18, 2025
The Vatican’s latest pronouncement indicates that Francis is battling a “polymicrobial infection”—which sounds less like a medical condition and more like something you’d find on a science fiction show. As for how it fits into the larger picture of his bronchiectasis and asthmatic bronchitis, let’s just say the medical jargon could make one’s head spin faster than a confession line at an overcrowded church. Far from the simple, straightforward updates one would hope for, the Vatican’s health reports have a history of being less than transparent, with some Catholics joking about updates sounding more like creative writing exercises than truthful medical disclosures.
However, amidst this fog of medical uncertainty, the one cheery note is that the pope is allegedly in “good spirits.” Seemingly unfazed by the fact that he’ll be spending an extended stay in the hospital, the pontiff has expressed his gratitude for the prayers and good vibes being sent his way. The mention of his now-canceled Jubilee Audience suggests he might be trading in his robes for a hospital gown for a bit, rather than his usual papal finery. With the experience the Vatican has in cloaking the true state of health among popes, every update feels like euphemism bingo; who knows when the next health report will feel more like an episode of a sitcom than a serious announcement?
