Staff Reports
Another day, another shocker! The RNC headquarters in Washington, DC, found itself in quite the pickle recently when a package chock-full of mysterious blood showed up on its doorstep, addressed to none other than the former Commander in Chief, Donald Trump. Cue the ominous music and the hazmat suits!
Chairman Michael Whatley wasn’t twiddling his thumbs when the blood-filled surprise made its grand entrance. He quickly labeled it a “biological attack,” and the whole place was thrown into a tizzy, leading to an impromptu office evacuation faster than you can say, “What in the world?”
This morning, we responded to the 300 block of First Street, SE, for the report of a suspicious package. The package was cleared by our Hazardous Incident Response Division. It contained two vials of blood. The source of the package & its contents will be further investigated. pic.twitter.com/3kkBiNh0ry
— The U.S. Capitol Police (@CapitolPolice) May 22, 2024
But fear not, dear folks, the hazmat heroes swooped in, the area got the green light, and the show went on. Whatley made it loud and clear that the lockdown was as good as history because, gosh darn it, nothing stops these red-blooded patriots from pushing forward. The train to the White House stops for no one!
To add salt to the wound, Whatley dropped the bomb that this blood saga is just the tip of the melting iceberg. Apparently, there’s been a spree of chaos with pro-Hamas activists stirring the pot and Biden backers going haywire on Trump supporters. It’s like a political soap opera out there, folks.
The big question mark still looms over the package – Who sent it? Why send blood? Is this a new trend in mail delivery? Capitol Police promised to crack this case wide open and get to the bottom of the bloody mystery. Stay tuned for the next episode of “As the RNC Turns!”
