Staff Reports
In the cartoonish world of American politics, the absurdity never ceases! The latest reality show episode brought to you by USA Today and Suffolk University presents “The Biden-Trump Rematch Showdown!” Yes, folks, you heard it right. The ratings are in, and the Democratic incumbent, Joe “Sleepy” Biden, is narrowly trailing the one and only Donald “The Donald” Trump in a fantastical hypothetical rematch for the coveted title of President of the United States.
Another Bad Poll for Biden, But… https://t.co/JHbLd7maJy
— GM (@GM50423181) January 4, 2024
The poll, conducted by the merry pollsters at USA Today and Suffolk University, revealed that Trump is leading the pack with 39% of the prospective vote, while Biden trails behind at 37%. Now, before you go jumping to conclusions, consider this: a whopping 17% of voters are seemingly ditching both these heavyweights and looking for their knight in shining armor elsewhere. Can you blame them? This is akin to choosing between rotten eggs and spoiled milk – not exactly a tantalizing choice, right?
In the wacky world of politics, the actual voting often differs from the wild musings of these fancy polls. Remember back in 2016 when Hillary Clinton and Trump were duking it out? Despite being about as popular as a skunk at a picnic, they still managed to snag a mind-boggling 94% of the vote between them. So, don’t be so quick to believe these so-called “experts” and their magic numbers about a surge in third-party votes. It’s as likely as finding a unicorn in your backyard.
Now, let’s talk about Biden’s biggest predicament. It seems like his once-solid Democratic coalition is looking as shaky as a house of cards in a hurricane. Trump, the master of chaos, is even leading among Hispanic voters and young folks, if you can believe it! This has resulted in 1 in 5 Black voters considering a steamy affair with a third-party candidate, which is a far cry from the overwhelming support Biden enjoyed back in 2020. It seems like Biden’s flock might need some serious pep-talking or a magic potion to muster up enough enthusiasm to show up at the voting booths come November.
But hold on now, dear readers! Before you start entertaining delusions of grandeur for Trump, there’s a tiny glimmer of hope for Biden hidden in the depths of this circus. The poll suggests that many of the disillusioned souls drifting towards those elusive third-party candidates would ultimately lean towards good ol’ Joe, rather than the ever-amusing Trump. So, while Trump might be prancing around like a triumphant peacock, Biden might just have the last laugh when these wayward souls come sauntering back home. Or will they? Cue dramatic music!
And did you hear about Biden’s sidekick, Kamala Harris? The veep, who’s been tasked with charming university students (good luck with that!), seems to be getting lower approval ratings than poor old Biden himself. It looks like the Biden-Harris duo might be in for some stormy weather. Yikes! But that’s the entertainment factor of politics for you, folks. The plot thickens, and the drama never ends! Stay tuned for the next episode of “The Political Rollercoaster” as the absurdity unfolds.
