Staff Reports
Another day, another assassination attempt on the former President of the United States. This time, while playing golf in sunny West Palm Beach, Florida, the target was none other than Donald Trump himself. Just shy of two months after the previous attempt in Butler, Pennsylvania, this latest near-miss has the makings of a plot twist straight out of a political thriller, only this one’s all too real.
While Trump was on the serene fifth green, Secret Service agents jumped into action after an advance team spotted an armed assailant. It’s still unclear how close this gunman actually came to making headlines — and not the good kind. What is known is that one agent fired back. Presumably, the agent wasn’t aiming for a hole-in-one but rather ensuring that no hole was made in Trump.
Donald Trump just survived a second assassination attempt per @seanhannity. Shots fired at him while he was on the fifth hole of his golf course. This is twice in 60 days they have tried to kill him. Are you paying attention yet?
— harparr #IFBAP (@harparr1) September 15, 2024
According to intel that was initially spilled by CNN and later confirmed by the FBI, they have a big ol’ investigation on their hands regarding this attempted assassination. The FBI took the time to issue a statement — no surprise there — noting that they indeed responded to the scene, verifying that this was no routine golf outing gone wrong but a serious security breach involving a former president. Those who thought the “deep state” was just a conspiracy theory can now grab their popcorn and watch as the narrative unfolds.
Some juicy details emerged as investigators combed through the scene, which wasn’t littered with green fees but rather military-grade mischief. An AK-47, a GoPro, and a backpack were recovered, making one wonder if the assailant fancied himself as some sort of action star documenting his failed plot. Eyewitness accounts helped local law enforcement track down the suspect, who was about as smart as a fence post for driving into Martin County, where the cavalry was waiting. It seems like criminals can’t even find their way out of a state without tripping up these days.
Martin County Sheriff Will Snyder wasted no time in bragging about his department’s intervention, stating that they had received a BOLO (Be On the Look Out) alert from the Palm Beach County Sheriff’s Office. When they caught up with this one-man crime wave, he was described as relatively calm and surprisingly emotionless — probably because he didn’t think his criminal mastermind plan would go awry in the sunshine state.
Despite the unnerving nature of the event, the silver lining for Trump supporters is that the wannabe shooter was unarmed when he was taken into custody. This might be a stark reminder of how dedicated the opposition is to silencing dissenting voices, but at least Trump walked away from this golf day still standing. As they say, the show must go on, and who knows what the next round of this political game will look like?
