Staff Reports
Donald Trump’s legal team has fired off a last-minute cannon in an attempt to block the long-anticipated release of Special Counsel Jack Smith’s report. This two-volume masterpiece is less of a literary triumph and more like a dull textbook on the classified documents case and, of course, the ever-popular “subverting the 2020 election” narrative. Seriously, how many times can the Democrats recycle the same whiny plot?
Trump’s legal eagles made their move just as schools are making their homework assignments due. They implored Attorney General Merrick Garland to shelve the report, arguing that only the incoming Trump administration should wield the release lever. After all, no one wants to see those pesky papers interfere with the grand spectacle of a transition of power. It’s like ruining someone’s birthday with an unexpected visit from the in-laws.
Trump urges Garland to block release of Jack Smith’s final report — Garland should ignore such request for this report is politically fundamental to eventually safeguard democracy https://t.co/uJgvwZlpIj
— Fernando Oliver, Esq. (@Fernand46357857) January 7, 2025
The star players on Trump’s legal team, including Todd Blanche, who’s angling for a deputy attorney general position, and John Lauro, brought a flair for the theatrical. They not only suggested Garland hit the brakes on releasing the report but also proposed that he should give Jack Smith the axe before he resigns. No one likes an ex-employee, especially one wielding a potentially damning report still fresh on the payroll. They characterized Smith’s actions as “unlawful” and urged immediate intervention, perhaps even a giant red stamp that says “REJECTED!”
Alongside Trump’s legal maneuvers, the attorneys for two former co-defendants in this never-ending soap opera are also getting in on the action. They urged Judge Aileen Cannon to issue an emergency order to prevent Smith from releasing his latest blockbuster by January 10. Their argument? Smith was never meant to be special counsel in the first place—kind of like finding out the lead singer for your band is really just the roadie. They claim he doesn’t have the authority, and, guess what? Cannon has heard this song before and seems quite receptive.
The accusations continue to fly as these lawyers argue that releasing this report would unfairly color any future proceedings. They warned that it would make defending themselves akin to playing chess with a blindfold on, challenged further by a referee who might be a bit biased. They called this whole charade a misuse of “political lawfare,” which, let’s be honest, sounds like a new competitive hobby for the D.C. elite.
As of now, Smith’s office hasn’t clued anyone in on the timing of the report’s release, but Trump’s team is convinced the “scoop” is just around the corner. Everyone seems to be awaiting the big reveal like it’s the final season of a hit reality show. If only the drama in Washington came with commercial breaks, the nation could at least stock up on snacks while waiting for the next episode of “As the DOJ Turns.”
