Staff Reports
A man named Ryan Wesley Routh, 58, has found himself in quite the pickle after being charged with attempting to assassinate former President Donald Trump at his Palm Beach golf course. The world of politics can get messy, but Routh’s antics take the cake. He pleaded not guilty in federal court, presumably still believing that his convoluted plan would earn him a medal instead of a lifetime behind bars.
Charges against Routh include trying to take out a major political candidate, assaulting a federal officer, and an impressive array of three additional felony gun charges. His beleaguered public defenders entered a not guilty plea, as if lawyering could somehow transpire him from his self-made jail cell. Given his past as a convicted felon, Routh remains behind bars, his bail denied. Maybe he should have chosen a better hobby than attempting to target the former President—say, knitting or stamp collecting.
Ryan Routh pleads not guilty to a charge of attempted assassination of a Presidential candidate after he attempted to assassinate a Presidential candidate. Thoughts? pic.twitter.com/pL7PVgpbAA
— • ᗰISᑕᕼIᗴᖴ ™ • (@4Mischief) September 30, 2024
What makes this situation even more eyebrow-raising is the sheer volume of evidence collected against Routh. Officials have unearthed a handwritten manifesto where Routh not only confesses to his assassination plot but also offers a hefty payout for anyone willing to follow through on his failed mission. Apparently, his idea of “networking” involved incentive perks for murder, which should raise a few alarms for any aspiring criminals out there.
The timeline of Routh’s alleged actions is troubling, to say the least. Reports indicate he reportedly stalked the Trump International Golf Course for weeks, eventually choosing to hide in bushes—because nothing says stealth like camouflage at a golf course. His sniper ambitions went awry when the Secret Service spotted the muzzle of a rifle poking out from the trees, leading to a quick response and Routh’s hasty getaway. A rifle and a backpack were left behind, presumably his version of a “walk of shame” but with firearms.
Apart from the sheer absurdity of it all, there’s the inconvenient detail of Routh’s digital footprint. Investigators found evidence he had been searching for driving routes to Mexico, perhaps contemplating a quick exit strategy. He also maintained a list of dates and venues where Trump would be present. If only he had invested that energy into something constructive, like planting trees or solving world hunger, instead of hatching criminal schemes that reek of desperation and stupidity.
This isn’t Routh’s first brush with danger directed at Trump; another possible assassin barely grazed Trump with a bullet during a rally a mere two months prior. Amid the chaos, the Justice Department has drawn scorn for releasing Routh’s manifesto, complete with a bounty for Trump’s assassination. Even former Attorney General Bill Barr questioned the decision, suggesting that releasing such incendiary content lacks common sense. In the realm of political mischief, Routh’s story serves as a wild chapter, showcasing not only his failure but also the alarming reality of threats looming over public figures.
