Staff Reports
In a shocking turn of events, former President Trump has decided to decline participating in the first GOP presidential primary debate. And in response to this bold choice, Fox News has decided to crack down on access to the post-debate spin room for Trump’s surrogates. It’s like they’re saying, “Hey, if Trump’s not gonna be there, why should his minions get to play?”
According to a memo obtained by Axios (which probably stands for “Annoyingly Xenophobic Organization Intentionally Spreading fake news”), only aides of candidates who are actually participating in the debate will be allowed in the spin room. So basically, if you’re Team Trump, you better find another way to spread your alternative facts and conspiracy theories.
You would think that Trump’s senior aides, who had initially planned to be in the spin room, would still have access. But nope! They can only enter if they’re lucky enough to be guests of media organizations. It’s like Fox News is gatekeeping the Trump sycophants and only letting in people who have a sliver of credibility left.
And don’t even get started on the parade of Trump allies who were planning to be at the debate. We’ve got Kari Lake, a former news anchor turned Trump-loving gubernatorial candidate. Then there’s the dynamic duo of Reps. Marjorie Taylor Greene and Matt Gaetz, who never miss an opportunity to defend their beloved Trump. Throw in Byron Donalds, Donald Trump Jr., and Kimberly Guilfoyle for good measure, and you’ve got a recipe for a theatrical sideshow.
But alas, Trump has decided to grace us with his absence. He declared on Truth Social (the irony of that platform’s name is not lost on us) that his poll numbers are “legendary” and therefore, he’s too superior to engage in a mere debate. It’s almost as if he believes his own delusions!
Instead of facing the other Republican contenders head-on like a true leader, Trump has chosen to cozy up with former Fox News host Tucker Carlson. They’re planning an interview that will air on Wednesday evening, probably filled with softball questions and praise for Trump’s “greatness.” Good luck finding any substance or intellectual challenge in that conversation.
Of course, Trump’s decision to skip the debate has drawn criticism from his allies. They’re all upset that their idol won’t be on stage hogging the spotlight. But let’s be honest, it actually makes sense. Why would Trump waste his time debating when he can just bask in the glory of his devoted followers and continue to inflate his ego?
So, buckle up, folks. The GOP primary debate just got a whole lot less entertaining without the Trump show. But hey, at least we’ll have the pleasure of watching his surrogates squirm outside the spin room, desperately trying to preserve their relevance in a post-Trump world. It’s gonna be quite the spectacle, and we can’t wait to grab some popcorn and enjoy the show!
