World Awakens to Ammo Crisis, Swift Conservative Bid to Re-Arm Ignites

Now that everyone knows our dirty little secret, the United States is in a panic and trying to re-arm itself as quickly as possible. Who made this embarrassing situation happen? Of course, it was President Joe Biden! It was his strange desire to talk about our lack of ammo on CNN that showed the whole world how weak we are. Joe, really, couldn't you just keep your mouth shut for once?

During an interview with Fareed Zakaria, Biden couldn't help but spill the beans, saying, "This is a war about weapons. And Ukraine is running out of that ammo, and we don't have much left." You did a great thing, Mr. President. Now that everyone knows we don't have much weapons, they can take advantage of our weakness.

But that's not the end of it. As if things weren't bad enough, the Biden administration made the controversial choice to send cluster bombs to Ukraine as a short-term fix. I mean, how could that possibly go wrong? Let's just give out risky guns like Halloween candy and hope for the best.

Now, John Kirby is working hard to fix this terrible problem. He is the coordinator for strategic messaging at the National Security Council, whatever that means. He is working closely with the defense industry to increase output and make sure we have enough supplies. Kirby says that we are having "very, very strong conversations" with the defense industry, and they are sure that we will be able to get there. Well, isn't that nice to know?

But hold on, folks, it gets even better. A study from the Center for Strategic and International Studies, which is a kind of think tank, says that it could take us years to get more ammo. We're talking about four to seven years for 155 mm shells, up to eight years for Javelins, and up to an agonizingly long 18 years for Stingers. Great job, Biden. You've put us in a position where we'll be easy targets for the next ten or twenty years.

Even worse, Kirby has to show the defense business that the government is serious about raising production. They are worried that if they make all of these changes, hire more people, and add more space to their plants, the output rate will drop again. I can't say I blame them for being unsure. Who knows if this government will do what they say they will do, given their track record?

And as if all of this wasn't embarrassing enough, Kirby also had to answer questions about the Secret Service's investigation into the cocaine that was found at the White House. Yes, you did hear correctly. Cocaine in the House of the People. Kirby tried to make the situation seem less important by saying that the police "did the best they could" and couldn't find any forensic proof to solve the case. Wow, just wow.

It's embarrassing that our spokeswoman for the National Security Council has to answer these kinds of questions. But hey, we asked for this when we voted for Joe Biden. It's a never-ending show of mistakes, bad decisions, and shame. The man can't even keep a secret on national TV about how weak our military is. He can't even solve a cocaine mystery in his own backyard.

So here we are, the world's laughingstock. Thanks, Joe. We have been shown to be a weak and insecure country because you can't keep your mouth shut. But don't worry, people. I'm sure the Biden government will figure it all out. After all, they've been doing so well so far, haven't they? (This is a joke.)

Written by Staff Reports

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